A Definitive Ranking Of The Betchiest LaCroix Flavors

In the past few years, LaCroix has gone from something Id only vaguely heard of before to literally taking over the world. Betches have ridded their fridges of Diet Cokes( JK not really) and flavorless flat water( God forbid) and replaced them with brightly colored cans of effervescent deliciousness. The good news? All LaCroix is pretty fucking betchy. Theyre calorie-, sugar-, gluten-, sodium-, anything bad for you-free so theyre not going to build you fat like other sodas. They make amazing mixers. And who doesnt love bubbles? The bad news is that all flavors are NOT created equal. But thats what you have us for.

So we bring you: a definitive ranking of the betchiest LaCroix. Two things before diving into this: 1) There are a million fucking flavors so theyre not ALL on here. 2) If you disagree with our ranking, thats penalty. If it really upsets you, however, you need to relax and either pretend this list never happened, or make a life change and send us a box of LaCroix as a thank you. Preferably option 2.

10. Cran-Raspberry

Does anyone even drink this? Out of all of the flavors, this one is the fakest tasting and its only not good. If you go to someones house and they offer you a LaCroix then whip out this bad boy, its time to go home and reevaluate the friendship.

9. Peach Pear

Its not inevitably badif Im being perfectly honest, I think its pretty good. Im a Southern betch though, so anything peach is my shit. Its just that it savours SO MUCH. Its like a transition narcotic for people trying to break into the world of sparkling water except they just cant give up their sugary soda routes. I feel like Peach Pear people probs maintain a secret stash of Mountain Dew in case of emergencies.

8. Coconut

The problem here is the way it smells. I literally crack open a is possible and start gagging because its like cheap tanning petroleum and when I think about drinking it, I want to puking. The only excuse for drinking this one is that its a skinny alternative for a tropical mixer, but like, cant you only use coconut rum?

7. Pure

The OG LaCroix is a little boring because it has no flavor whatsoever, but I can definitely appreciate people who are hardcore enough to drink plain sparkling water. Best part about this one is you can throw it in any drinking you want and it wont fuck up the savor, just make it a little bubbly.

6. Pia Fraise

Ah. The first one from LaCroixs Crate( its pronounced coo-rah-tay, btw ). I feel like some people are gonna loathe on these and be Team Original, but idc because theyre amazing. This one mixes pineapple and strawberry so its a little on the sweet side for my savor, but it has a good bit of flavor without fucking punching you in the face. It tells Im not quite a LaCroix pro, but Im not a lame AF newb either.

5. Meln Pomelo

If you couldnt tell by the name, this is another of the Crate variety. It violates into the top five because of its uncommon mix of fruits that actually runs and isnt altogether nasty( looking at you, Cran-Raspberry ). Its like a mixologist handmade your sparkling water for you. I mean, who knew cantaloupe and grapefruit combined could be so damn tasty?

4. Cerise Limn

This one is literally like a calorie-free cherry limeade from Sonic. Well not quite, but close. The subtle flavors are usually the betchiest, but because its all tart and no sweet, it doesnt savor as fake as some of the other flavor-heavy options. A vodka soda with a cerise limn instead of criterion club is never a bad idea. But you can just say cherry lime so you don’t sound like an asshole who’s trying to speak Spanish.

3. Lemon/ Lime

These two are tied because theyre pretty much the fucking same. Theyre basically only liked by LaCroix snobs because they kind of savor like a fountain Sprite when its operating low on syrup. Tbh, these two are okay, but not my faves. The only reason theyre up this high is because theyre awesome mixers and go with pretty much any kind of alcohol.

2. Mre Pepino

Surprise! Its another member of the Crate fam and it is fucking incredible. The mix of blackberry and cucumber is like something youd get at the spa. Its so damn refreshing and its comparatively unknown so you appear betchy AF and somewhat hipster, but not overtly, so when people go in your fridge and stumble across the lavender and lime cans. If you like crafty cocktails with herbs and shit, make this your new go-to.

1. Pamplemousse

This should come as a surprise to no one. Pamplemousse( grapefruit, if you speak English) is an OG LaCroix and has managed to stay the betchiest. It has a little more savor than lime and lemon, but its still super light and exclusive to veteran LaCroix drinkers. Its also one of the bubbliest which is always a good thing. Plus, the name is fancy AF. Long live the pamplemousse.

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