Shockingly Offensive Ads That Came Out Way Too Recently

We all knew that one guy in college who would say something truly horrible and then raise his hand for a high five, unaware that not everyone in the world thinks domestic abuse or casual racism are hilarious. Ever wonder what happened to him? Well, turns out he went into advertising, and now he’s raising that hand to an audience of billions. Here are six ads that assume all consumers are terrible human beings.

#6. Kentucky Fried Chicken: “Fried Chicken Can Be Used To Hypnotize Black People”

A time-tested technique of TV commercials is promising their product will allow you to solve some uncomfortable predicament, like your boss showing up for dinner unannounced, or your favorite dress being stained right before a party, or being surrounded by black people, or … wait, what?

In this Australian KFC ad, a very white dude finds himself sharing bleachers with a bunch of considerably less white dudes, who are being all loud and nonwhite-like. The protagonist covers his face with his hands to indicate his displeasure, as if his look of quiet panic wasn’t eloquent enough already.

At this point, he looks at the camera and mouths, “Remember, I’ll always love you” to his wife.

The man addresses us to ask, “Stuck in an awkward situation?” And then, with the supreme confidence of his colonialist ancestors, he produces a signature bowl of deep fried chicken out of nowhere and holds it up as a silent offering to his captors. Suddenly, the crowd is soothed. “Too easy,” he tells us.

They immediately proclaimed him King of the Blacks.

When the clip went viral, KFC apologized unreservedly and explained that it wasn’t really racist at all, because they were unaware of the “black people can’t resist fried chicken” stereotype and would never, ever demean minorities. We’d be more willing to believe this if 1) this hadn’t aired in notoriously-racist Australia, and 2) this was the only time KFC tried to tell us that the only way to communicate with black people is through chicken. In a completely different KFC ad, we see a little black girl having trouble fitting into her new school in China. A classmate takes pity on her and leads her to a KFC, demonstrating the universal language of “original herbs and spices” and “racial stereotyping.”

This is part of KFC’s campaign to become the only food served at the United Nations, thus preventing all wars.

#5. Chevrolet: “If You Drive A Ford, You Will Be Killed By A Bear”

When Ford announced their new F-150 truck would be made out of an aluminum alloy, their rivals at Chevrolet decided to run a series of ads reminding everyone that they’re still using steel. Not only that, but Chevy wanted to make it clear that aluminum is for pussies — dead pussies.

In this deranged psychological experiment passing itself as a car ad, a bunch of people whom we’re assured are not actors are put in a room with two cages: one made of steel and one made of aluminum. After interrogating these non-experts about the properties of each metal, the Chevy representative releases a live freaking bear into the room, giving the volunteers a few seconds to pick a cage in which to shit themselves.

The poop stains will be less visible on the black bars.

And yes, according to Chevy themselves, that wasn’t CGI or two little people in a suit. It was a real “known Hollywood bear” — a phrase presumably indicating that this bear is a regular fixture at cocaine-misted after parties on the Sunset Strip.

The bear was actually their second choice, after Gary Busey turned them down.

All the volunteers picked the steel cage, which Chevrolet presented as indisputable evidence that steel is superior to aluminum, ergo they make better cars than Ford. Except, as you probably guessed, that isn’t even true. It turns out aluminum has a range of advantages when it comes to auto construction. Being a lighter element, it allows for more flexibility without necessarily compromising the strength (incidentally, it’s also what they use for real bear cages). In fact, after spending considerable money making fun of aluminum in various ads, Chevy’s parent company, General Motors, ended up announcing that they’re switching to aluminum themselves beginning in 2018. The point is, the only reason you should ever lock yourself in a steel cage is if you’re a professional wrestler.

#4. Kraft Mac & Cheese: “Eating Our Food Will Make You Destroy Your Family”

You don’t have to try too hard to sell macaroni and cheese. It’s the perfect food for people who are too busy and/or lazy to spend more than eight minutes cooking dinner, which accounts for roughly 90 percent of the population. One of the only ways you could make mac and cheese seem unappealing is by suggesting that eating it will force you to destroy your family. Which, of course, is exactly what Kraft did in an entire series of commercials.

In this first ad, presumably written by an unmarried behavioral psychologist who poisons stray animals, a dad is casually hanging out in a living room when he gets a text from his (very) pregnant wife upstairs, asking him to make some mac and cheese. The dad promptly goes to the kitchen, as the too-smart-for-his-age son (we know that because he’s reading a book) turns to the camera and recites a lesson he has clearly come to learn all too well: “Kraft Mac & Cheese will make a man do questionable things.”

“Like eat Kraft Mac & Cheese.”

The dad sits back down on the couch and eats the entire box of mac and cheese himself, then texts back “Sorry. All out.” He does all of this without a trace of emotion, like a soulless automaton murdering scores of striking factory workers because that is all it is programmed to do. Kraft’s logo then pops onscreen as a chipper voice says: “You know you want it.” The “it” in question being to starve your pregnant wife.

“Of fucks to give, I mean.”

It’s clear from his wife’s reaction that he does this kind of shit all the time, which at best means their marriage is doomed, and at worst means she’s the victim of psychological abuse. And like we said earlier, it’s not just this one ad. Kraft’s entire marketing strategy is to convince us that their macaroni and cheese will bring out the worst in you. From a cruel grandma, to a neglectful mother, to a dad with a secret family, to a lady who steals a truck, the main characters — those who get to enjoy the product and are supposed to represent the target audience — are always irredeemable sociopaths.

“Well fuck my entire family, I’m trying to eat mac and cheese.”

They even have one that uses mac and cheese as a hilarious metaphor for drug abuse and domestic violence, because this company is run by goddamned aliens.

Read more: www.cracked.com

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