Every holiday I hear someone talking about the nervousnes of having to cook the turkey for their family snack and, every year, hundreds of people write well meaning articles promising to induce the horribly, horribly difficult process of cooking a turkey easier for you so you won’t ruin the holiday for your friends and family.
There’s just one problem with that, cooking a turkey isn’t hard at all. It is easy. It is one of the easiest things to cook that you could ever cook. It is easier, for instance, than cooking a well seasoned and perfectly seared steak. It is easier than attaining bread, even from a mix in a suitcase. It is easier than reading a dozen articles on how to cook a turkey and then deciding between them.
So maybe you’re stuck at school over the Thanksgiving break for whatever reason or maybe you are a person who is in their first apartment ever after graduating and you can’t make it home. You want to have a Thanksgiving turkey and invite a few special people over but you are afraid, afraid because you’ve heard that it’s super hardto cook a turkey. But I’m here to tell you, again, that cooking a turkey is very easy.
Here is how you will cook your turkey.
1. Buy your turkey
” But how much turkey is too much turkey ,” you ask. The answer is, in an existential sense, that there is no such thing as” too much turkey .” There is only such a thing as too little turkey. You will buy a turkey that is large but that they are able to still fit in the Pyrex baking panthat you will put your turkey in. Maybe it’s this one ? I don’t know, you’re the one picking the turkey. Just make sure that the turkey will fit after you’ve bought your panand that it’s at least three to four inches deep otherwise you will be sad and have to buy another panor another turkey and that is a hassle. We are against hassles.
Or, buy one of these disposable aluminum pansof the correct size. They’re literally everywhere right now. This is the easiest way to go. Also, it’s better to have a pan that is too big than risking one that is too small.
There are people who will tell you that you have to buy a roasting rack so that the drippings will go down below the turkey. This person may be your own mother or some other loved one. Continue to love them but understand that they are lying to you. You don’t have to buy a roasting rackand collecting the drippings is only useful if you’re going to induce gravy. If you want to induce gravy then I cannot help you because attaining gravy is harder than cooking a turkey and this article is about how easy it is to cook a turkey. Besides, you should use this baking pan for another reason which you’ll see below.
I wouldn’t go over a fifteen pound turkey. Mine, in my freezer right now, is 12.96 pounds and will feed three adults and one child this Thursday with, i’m sure, some left over.
Also, buy a meat thermometer. Every department store has them.
2. I Bought This Turkey And This Pan, Now What?
Your turkey will be frozen. It will take three days to thaw in the refrigerator which means you should buy your turkey by Monday, November 23 rd OR POSSIBLY EVEN SUNDAY and put it in the fridge , not the freezer. In three days it will be thawed. The exact thawing formula is that it takes. If you have a fifteen pound turkey it will take three days. Twenty pounds? Four days. Plan accordingly.
3. Prepping Everything But The Turkey
Preheat your oven to 325 degrees. Wash your filthy hands. Take your thawed turkey out of the package it’s in. Rinse and wipe your turkey down with your hands under operating water of any temperature between lukewarm and cold. The exact temperature is is not essential. I just don’t want you to scald your hands. Remove the giblets and turkey neck from inside the turkey. It is in a wax suitcase most likely. Hurl these out or cook them in a pan and give them to your pet unless you are using them to induce gravy which, again, is harder than cooking a turkey. Place your turkey in the baking pan. Cut four to five large Idaho potatoes( skin on) in one-quarters and place them around the turkey in the pan. Cut four medium to large yellow onions in half and place them in the pan around the turkey. Cut up a bunch of whole carrots( not newborn carrots) in halves or one-quarters and put them in the pan around the turkey. Spice these vegetables with salt and pepper and some paprika.