I Ate An Entirely Weed-Infused Meal And Heres What Happened

March 21, 2017

Youre going to want to get those today, if you really want them,* Jane tells me.

We sell out of most of our edibles pretty quickly, but those in particular have been running really fast.

Jane is a bud-tender at Hollywood High Grade, a medical marijuana dispensary in Los Angeles. Im being indecisive on an edibles purchase.

To my credit, she was referring to a 4-pack of peanut butter cookies infused with 25 mg THC in each one. But the choices were seemingly limitless: Cookies, crackers, cereal, chocolate bars.

Ill go with the brownie bites, I say.

Most of us have a curious relationship with edibles. Some cannabis enthusiasts favor almost exclusively to feed their bud. For others, any munching links with weed usually follows a hearty smoke sesh.

Where baking and cooking pacify the nerves and offer a sense of tranquility, the routine methodical preparation involved in smoking cannabisgrinding up the flower, rolling a joint, loading a dab, torching the fingernail, packing a bowlis a seemingly therapeutic part of the process.

Delicious and divisive, for some purists, medicating with food that would otherwise be classified as junk, if not for the presence of THC, is just too much of a stretch.

It is possible to manufacture edible forms of THC and CBD to aid in various treatments without any psychoactive effects.

To a lesser degree: one couldcertainly craft healthy dishes infused with cannabis. However, by-and-large, medicated Chex Mix, Weetos,( keep scrolling) or just good old fashioned weed brownies are far more likely to be sold at a dispensary than a fresh kale salad, served with hash-oil vinaigrette.

One cause for edibles aversion is an incompatibility in effectivenes among the myriad forms of chewable cannabis on the market. In Vancouver, British Columbia, thesale of them has been bannedentirely.

And earlier this year, after feeing too many edibles, an Ohio man phoned the police dreading for his life. That is some intense intra-state conflicts to face after snack time.

Bob Eschino, of Denver-based edible brand Incredibles, told NBC News, his concentrates regularly test at about 99 percentage THC. Traditional flower comes in somewhere between 15 and 20 percent.

This leaves interpretation for expected outcomes. The customer can anticipate anything between a Snoop-Dogg-state-of-mind and losing their sanity and clothes in publiclike that dude who put under the KONY2 012 videos. Heavy dice to roll.

Like all aspects of the quickly-becoming-legal cannabis industry, this uncertainty is expected to clear up as innovations enter the infused foods sector.

As lab-testing of cannabis products becomes the norm, mass-produced edibles , no matter how unhealthy, will come with labeling indicating just how high youll getif youll get high at all.

Dixie Elixirs, a Colorado-based organisation, develops THC-infused productsthat establish standardized and repeatable results. This approach likens cannabis consumption to coffee or spicy foods: Measured amounts of caffeine and capsaicin deliver predictable impacts each and every time.

Its much more aligned with any medicinal procedures than tell baking Rice Krispies treats with cannabis butter in high school with your friends. Which, dont get us wrong, is awesome .

I digress.

The inconsistency and unreliability in effectivenes and abundance of sugar has me concluding that edibles simply arent for me, for now.

Which is why naturally, like any inquisitive journalist on the weed beat, I decided to eat a snack composed entirely of cannabis-infused food.

To shop for such a feast, I visited a localdispensary and picked up edibles offering a medicated spin. What I saw was plentiful, branded with cleverly worded weed puns, and likely to give me the ability to feel colors.

7: 30 PM: Snacks

Im a snacker. At household gatherings, as I inhale hors doeuvre, Im reminded by my relatives that, as small children, catching me without a pouch of Goldfish or pretzels in hand was a rare sighting.

Always having something savory on deck has carried over into early adulthood. I didnt want to dig into any of the main event while I was cooking; so I knew I would need something to nibble on in the meantime. Enter: Flaming Hot Weetos.

These guys savour just like traditional Flamin Hot Cheetos, but with a hint of weed; delicious in the way that merely something so terrible for you can be. The pouch even resembles the Frito-Lay produced original, with the exception of a green( and presumably stoned AF) version of Chester the Cheetah belching flames.

Classy. A serving of eight Weetos delivers 150 mg of THC, with three serves per pocket. I put down about 10 Weetos as I prepared the rest of the meal.

Stoned Level : Could reasonably write and deliver a speech on behalf of the members of the D.A.R.E. program.

8: 15 PM: Appetizer

At this point, the only noticeable sensation I experienced was a tingling tongue. To appease the flames, I knocked back a 16 oz. bottle of Venice Cookie Cos Cannabis Quenchera fruit punch that contains 72 mg of THC.

Unfortunately, the stuff tastes much like Kool Aid made from bong water and NyQuil. Cant tell I was much of a fan of the flavor, but at that point, I knew I had traversed over a cannabis-infused threshold and became fully invested in this article.

Now, Im a connoisseur of chicken wings: Never have I met one that I wouldnt at the least try. I knew these wouldnt be legendary, or even as good as the shitty wings you buy from chain pizza eateries; so I limited myself to three.

The oil-infused sauce tasted merely faintly of the herb, and stuck nicely to each wing. But I still felt nothing. This is part of the reason why I rarely enjoy edibles: Where smoking cannabis or taking dabs offers instant gratification, feeing it kicks off a long period of anticipation.

Stoned Level : Mostly simply full.

9: 30 PM: The Main Event

Still not feeling much, though determined to eat a dinner composed entirely of edibles, I removed my personal-sized Stoned Oven OG Pepperoni Pizzainfused with 250 mg of THCfrom the oven and cut it into four slices.

The cheese was bubbly, the crust golden brown: This looked like your average frozen pizza. I applaud its makers on presentation and assembly. This thing could be sold on grocery store shelves if it wasnt loaded with bud. And it wasnt bad.

In todays ubiquitous pizza terrainwhere it comes on bagels that can be eaten anytime, and also as chips andfrom Subway-Id rank this particular pizza somewhere between a delivery chain and the stuff that was had participated in my high school cafeteria.

It was edible. And also, an edible. Which reminds me: About halfway through my second slice, I began to notice it. Just a creeping buzz at first , nothing too intense. There was no doubt in my mind that this pizza was giving me the feels.

Stoned Level: Would be down to watch any and all episodes of Discovery Channels Planet Earth .

10: 30 PM-1 1 PM: Dessert and After Glow

After finishing the pizza in its entirety, I put on some music and washed my dishes. I was definitely feeling groovy, but I wouldnt inevitably tell I was high just yet.

I knew the edibles were taking impact, but I began experiencing more of a stomach ache from the greasy pepperoni and salty Weetos than any sort of enjoyable buzz.

I touched up the photos that accompany these words and powered through the final course: A 50 mg THC brownie bite. Cute, sweet, delicious, and again: kissed by cannabis.

Stoned Level : Sophomore year of high school, shitty weed, beneath the bleachers with your buddies.

Up until this point in the dayin the name of scienceI hadnt yet smoked any flower cannabis. I wanted to be completely sober when the effects took hold so I would actually notice them.

Now, a few hours in, I assumed the worst was over, chalked it up as another case of unpredictable edibles merely taking me to second base, trench my scientific technique, and triggered up a bowl.

Stoned Level:

I woke up the following morning to a notification on my computer screen from Hulu, asking If Id like to continue watching Adult Swims Metalocalypse .

I dont remember turning it on. I havent overslept, in fact, Im up earlier than usual. And I dont feel hazy or stoned, just tired. My stomach is no longer in knots: I built it out alive.

I’m still not the biggest fan of edibles. As I scan my room and take in the working day, I consider the half eaten pouch of Weetos open and uncovered on my desk.

I dont think Ill be pitching any tales involving edibles in the near future and, for the most proportion, I likely wont eat any. But I cant feign that my aura wasnt purple as hell the entire time I was asleep.

Whatever that means . . .. Am I still feeling it? Are those new shoes? Are we still in LA?

This post was originally positioned on TheKindLand.com

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