These Are The 4 Promises Weed Would Attain If It Were Operating For President

Politicians are always building promises.

At all levels of government, legislators have sold lofty resolves in exchange for referendums.

These sometimes power-hungry buffoons promise, once in office, they will do better and remain hungrier than the buffoon who held office before them. Sometimes they keep their promises. Other hours, the baby-kissers drop the ball.

Such was the case when my high-school student body chairman, Michael, promised to secure an off-campus lunch hour for seniors. He never delivered.( Still holding a grudge, Michael! No, I will not accept your f* cking invitation to join LinkedIn .)

When Hunter S. Thompson operated for Sheriff of Pitkin County, Colorado, in 1969, he pledged to tear up the asphalt streets of Aspen and replace them with sod grass.

In 2008, Dennis Kucinich boldly promised to arrest acclaimed artist and former chairman George W. Bush. With the 2016 US presidential election growing ever nearer, expect to field many unlikely promises in the coming months.

On Monday, a 2016 hopeful nominee released the first fully endorsed video from his campaign thus far. In the ad, he promises to Cut the head off of ISIS. And take their oil.


And though it has yet to be turned into a poorly edited video and posted to YouTube, other nominees in this years spectacle is comparatively open about building promises pertaining to weed.

One such hopeful has even detailed a vision that includes the possibility of cannabis undergoing a federal re-scheduling.

Sure, politicians have a lot to say about weed, but, what would weed have to say about politics, if weed could talk and run for office?

Who would a potent purple nug offend at Thanksgiving dinner with its positions on the issuesyour racist uncle who spends too much day on Facebook or your vegan cousin who spends too much time in Brooklyn?

More importantly: If pot not only became legal, but also decided to run for public office, what kind of promises would it induce to get there?

To Create Jobs

Taking cues from O.G. chairman Franklin D. Roosevelts New Deal, weed is all about putting America to work.

The Green Machine promises that if elected, it will create jobs for farmers, marketers, distributors, scientists, HR personnels, government agencies, journalists, tech innovators, financial services professionals, virtually every sector of the food service industry, retailers and wholesalers, to name a few.

Actually, weed doesnt even really have to be elected for that to happen, simply rescheduled, or legalized for recreational use. The change is actually already happening. Way to go, weed!

To Build a Wall

Well, technically the canna-candidate would promise to build four of them, and also a roof. Because weed would entirely pledge to build a public and entirely f* cking rad fort on the National Mall.

While the politically charged herb hasnt specified whether the structure will take the form of a treehouse, an igloo, or perhaps an underground bunkerweed aims for the yet-to-be-constructed monument/ fort to be used by and celebrated collectively by Americas cannabis community as a national smoke spot.

To Direct More Fund to Cancer Research

And be an active member in the fight against the deadly disease, or at the very least induce the lives of those who suffer from it, a bit more enjoyable, if only for a few stoned hours at a time.

To Work Closely With Our Allies, and Repair Relationships with our Enemies

Weed has a way of breaking down obstacles. The herb oftentimes serves as common ground among diverse people. In the name of diplomacy, weed promises that if elected, it will be smoked, dabbed, eaten, and wholeheartedly enjoyed with foreign dignitaries, ally nations, and even countries that we dont genuinely get along with.

Weed said it looked forward to working with musicians, artists, and creative thinkers to come up with ways to spread peace around the world. And to always be passed to the left, but also the right.

To Make the Next Season of “The Big Bang Theory” Enjoyable

Every politician needs to make one promise they cant keep.

This post was originally written by Ben Parker Karris for .

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