I Washed My Hair With The Most Insane Sh*t Ever So You Dont Have To

October 30, 2016

I have the most finicky hair on the planet.

Its ultra-dry and damaged from rounds of double-processing and bleach.

Its like a mean child, cruel and unwilling to listen to reason.

After months of trying to figure out what works for my hair and what doesnt, I finally found a product routinethat actually leaves my locks soft and manageable.

It almost makes me feel like I wasnt a peroxide blonde for the better part of five years.

Now that I finally know what works, Ive been more open toexperimenting with different shampoos.

From mud poos to the no poo movement, these are the shampoos Ive always wanted to try but never had the balls to. Before now, of course.

For when your hair is as thirsty as you are on a Thursday.

Try: No-Poo Decadence,DevaCurl,$22.

I’m not exaggerating when I say this is probably my favorite discovery of 2015.

The “no poo movement,” where women opt to ditch shampoo entirely, has been huge in the past several years.

Ive been super wary. How can something that claims to not latheractually clean my hair?

No-Poo Decadence is a richer, more moisturizing take on DevaCurl’s original No-Poo. Its also formulated for curly hair.

While it didnt froth, it still felt really thick and wonderful on my hair.

After massaging it into my scalp and letting the water from my shower run the rest of the product through my ends, my normally fine hair felt heavy and sleek, the same way that it usually feels after a round of conditioner.

Wait, did a ‘poo-free product really do that?

While I couldnt see much of a difference, I certainly felt it. Not only did my locksdry relatively frizz-free, but my hair also felt stronger. That sensation lasted,even after heat styling.

Better yet? I was able to waita day between washes.


When you’ve been cleansing for a week and just want to smell alcohol.

Try: Craft beerMoisturizing Shampoo,BR,$6.

Ive rinsed my hair with beer before, so I wasnt too put offbythe idea of using a beer-made poo.

There’s one thing with dumping beer in your hair, however. You will inevitably smell like adrunk girl threw up on your head in a shady dive bar.

Thankfully, this poo only had a hint of a brew smell. For the most part, it was floral and clean-scented.

The formula I picked out was supposed to be moisturizing, but I didnt notice much difference on that end. It was also kind of runny, which I didn’t enjoy.

The big plus for me, though, is the unisex formula.

It’s perfect for sharing with my boo. You know, if I had one.


When you’re feeling extra fly.

Try:Caviar Anti-AgingMoisture Intense Oil Creme Shampoo,Alterna,$32.

I really wanted to like Alterna’s latest addition to the Caviar line. Its made with abyssinian oil, a natural seed oil with an ultra light, non-greasy skin feel.

Itsounds fancy as f*ckandlooks chicer than anything else I have in my shower.This ‘poo went on super thick and heavy, like the richest oil I’ve ever experienced.

Everything about it was so counterintuitive.Should I have really poured a vat of oil onto my hair?

It took a long time forthe Alterna formulato magically transform from oil to creme, but I felt way more comfortable working with that texture.

Maybe it was the conditioner I used or maybe I didnt use it right, but this ‘poojust wasnt hydrating enough for my ultra-dry locks.


When you want to be in and out of the shower in 5 minutes flat.

Try: New Wash, Hairstory, $40.

I was so weirded out by this seemingly minimalistic shampoo.

It had a cream texture similar to the DevaCurl No-Poo and felt absolutely lovely on my hair.

What weirded me out, though, is I was told not to use a conditioner following this shampoo. I was convinced theres no way it could be moisturizing enough on its own.

Except it was. The shampoo promised a lived-in, second day texture after use, which it definitely gave.

My hair was still a tad frizzy afterwashing, but I really loved how this bottle cut my shower time down.

Can we all take a moment to fangirl over the packaging?


When you’re feeling extra-earthy.

Try: Moroccan Mud-Poo, Shea Terra, $2o.

Putting mud in your hair is about as natural as face-planting in an eight-layer dip. Nothing feels normal about it.

This ancient clay mineral shampoo comes in a powder form, meant to be mixed with water prior to pouringit over your hair.

I was not a huge fan of the smell — a tad earthy for my taste — but my coworker loved the woodsy aroma.

This wasn’t particularly moisturizing on my locks, which is something I desperately need for any product in my hair arsenal.

It was surprisingly detangling, however, which is a huge plus for unruly hair.

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